Bad Prescriptions, Pt 3

Purity culture, prayer, and miracles - oh my!

Jul 25, 2026

She thought she did everything right. She prayed for the right man to marry. She waited until she got married to have sex. She learned to cook his favorites dishes and kept his house clean. She attended church regularly and read her bible every night. She bore him two beautiful children and was a loving and attentive mother. She worked out at the gym daily to keep her body sexually appealing for him. She never rebuffed his sexual advances.

And yet, he strayed.

Her heart was shattered, but she stayed with him. That’s what a good Christian woman does, right? She bought Stormie Omartian’s book, The Power of the Praying Wife, and believed that with enough love, patience, and prayer, she could save her marriage. She could change her husband, just like Stormie did. She was determined to keep her family intact and she believed God was going to help make that happen.

Except, of course, that didn’t happen. The divorce went through and she was left feeling worse than ever.

Her blame shifted daily.

Some days she blamed him. He was weak, addicted, self-absorbed, narcissistic, unfaithful and a fraud.

Some days she blamed herself. She didn’t pray hard enough, try hard enough. She wasn’t loveable as she was. Why didn’t she see who he really was before she married him? How could she have been so deceived?

And some days… well, she blamed God. How could God let this happen to her when she had done everything right? She checked off all the boxes. Why weren’t her prayers being answered? Why was God ignoring her cries for help?

This is not one woman’s story. It’s a story I have heard and seen play out over and over again around me. And it shows the problem with Christian prescriptives, especially in this case, the lie of purity culture.

Purity culture tells women that if they don’t have sex before marriage, if they keep themselves “pure” for their future husband, they will be rewarded for it. They will have a wonderful marriage and family that God will protect because of her faithfulness. But we know it doesn’t always work that way. Life happens. Sometimes we “save” ourselves for that perfect guy who doesn’t turn out to be perfect at all. He might even turn out to be neglectful, absent, even abusive. So, what then?

Now the new “prescription” is to pray about it. If you pray hard enough, and just believe enough, God will show up to fix your broken marriage. You’ll hear things like, “God is in the miracle business! Keep praying for that miracle!” or “God will show you how to love him back to the family” or even “God won’t let Satan destroy what He brought together”. I’m sorry, but sometimes marriages just fall apart and there is no praying that will fix them. Sadly, this “praying wife” business just puts all the responsibility on the wife to “fix” the marriage with her prayers and her actions. Actions like, “give him more/better sex”, “make sure he comes home to a delicious dinner and clean home”, “make sure you look attractive for him” etc… And when this prescription for fixing your marriage doesn’t work (just like the purity culture prescription didn’t work) you’re left feeling confused, bitter, and maybe even jaded about God in general.

I’m not saying prayer doesn’t work. I wholeheartedly believe in the power of prayer! But not so much in the way I used to. I just don’t use prayer in my own life as a way to change outcomes so much these days, but more to comfort and heal when outcomes don’t go our way.

When we are taught that if we live right and pray hard enough then we can change the outcomes around us, we are bound to be let down. God isn’t a genie in a bottle, ready to give us our heart’s desires if we just do all the correct steps. Sometimes life just happens and we get crapped on. Sometimes life is unfair. Sometimes life is overwhelming and messy and erratic and nothing like we thought it would be. And sometimes religion, with all its prescriptives, rituals and guidelines, just doesn’t help.

Here’s the truth: There is no perfect formula for happiness in this life. No religion has it, no matter what they tell you.

However, here’s the good news: There is comfort to be found in all our hurts, messes, and disappointments. God shows up in many different ways to walk alongside us and offer us hope, peace and even joy in the midst of hard circumstances. Sometimes that comes in the form of religious practices. Sometimes it comes in the form of family, friendships, therapists, or spiritual directors.

In my own experience, learning to release all the prescriptives that much of my religion said to rely on has been healing. I’ve stopped looking for the perfect formula to control my outcomes and learned to release those to God. Accepting that life will hit hard some days, no matter what I do, how much I pray, which church I attend etc… has been very freeing. And it’s brought me closer to God. It’s helped me better understand how the Holy Spirit works in us and through us.

Do miracles happen when we pray for them? Maybe. I won’t discount that possibility. But when we over-rely on divine intervention, the majority of us will be let down. Then we are left asking ourselves why God didn’t answer our prayers, which can lead to a crisis of faith and psychological stress.

Unfortunately, some religions lead us to believe that we aren’t true believers if we don’t expect miracles to happen when we pray. And if we do pray for a miracle and it doesn’t happen, it’s certainly not God’s fault. We are told it’s our fault - we “just don’t have enough faith” or “we must have fallen out of favor with God.” (Reminds me of Job’s friends… “what have you done to make God turn his back on you, Job???” Oh, how wrong they were.)

The way I see miracles these days is in the little things. It’s a miracle that I wake up each morning. It’s a miracle that birds know how to fly, trees know how to grow, the sun rises and sets every day. It’s a miracle to me when I’m feeling down and suddenly a friend calls, saying I was on her mind and wanted to check on me. It’s a miracle that my alcoholic friend stays sober one day at a time, or that I’ve learned to forgive those that have hurt me, or that a little bit of love can turn someone’s life around.

So yes, I do believe in miracles. I see them happening every day. I just don’t think prayer always leads to miracles… like saving marriages, healing incurable diseases, curing addictions, or making someone love you.

What about you? Have your views on religious prescriptives like purity culture, prayers and miracles changed? I’d love to hear your thoughts?

Love y’all… M

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