Being Divisive

How to share your beliefs without causing hostility

I had someone who used to be a friend of mine DM me on Facebook the other day. He told me he loved me but wanted to let me know he was upset with what he called “the divisiveness” of my recent posts. He told me I was spreading “hateful rhetoric” and that he thought I was “smarter than this.” He told me I needed to do some fact finding before I shared “lies.” (As if I don’t research things before sharing… which I always do.)

I sat with his message for a day or so and prayed over how to respond. I realized that having a conversation about our differences probably wouldn’t go well, so I just told him I loved him too and wished him all good things. Then I went to his page and saw that he had unfriended me. Not sure he’ll even get my response now.

This is a pattern I’m seeing with people who don’t agree with me. They spout off (either in person or online) how they feel and then close the door in my face (literally in one instance recently) and don’t even let me respond. They don’t want to have a conversation about it - they just want to tell me off. I hope they feel better. Truly.

But that kind of interaction is not loving. It is not the kind of correction that the Bible instructs us to partake in. I’m always willing to discuss differences of opinion with people who care about me and think I’m on the wrong path. I try to be opened-minded and listen to the concerns of people I love. But letting me have a piece of their mind and then walking away is not how to change my mind.

But to be fair, he isn’t the first person to accuse my posts of being “divisive”. So I’ve thought about that for a couple of days. Is sharing my political and spiritual beliefs actually “divisive”? And if so, is there a way to share my thoughts on what is happening in our country and in Christianity without being divisive? Is there a way to share how I feel about the merging of nationalism and Christianity without making someone mad, hurting their feelings, or ending friendships?

Sadly, I think the answer to that is no.

So should I stop posting about these things that I deeply care about?

After much thought and prayer, the answer to that is also a no.

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor” – Desmond Tutu

Speaking out about injustices I see around me is something I used to be shy about, but I’m getting braver and I’m proud of myself for that. Yes, when you speak up, you are likely to lose some friendships, but I have found that I also gain some. And the new friendships I have gained are based in a real connection about things we care about. Some of the old friendships have proved that they weren’t friendships at all. They were based on false assumptions. When I was silent, they assumed I agreed with them and their views. Now that they know the “real” me, they have walked away.

Does it hurt? Yeah, it stings a bit. But I’m learning to be ok with everyone not liking me. As a recovering people pleaser, that was a hard lesson to learn. I mean, we all want to be liked, right? But what I have learned is that I don’t really want to be liked anymore. I want to be loved. The people who still choose to be in my circle of friends, especially the ones who don’t agree with me politically or spiritually have proven themselves to be true friends. I’d rather have less friends and know that they know me and love me rather than have a large circle of “friends” who don’t really know me at all.

To be clear, it’s never my intention to hurt anyone’s feelings when I speak up about my beliefs. I try very hard not to attack people, but instead, address issues. Do I make mistakes sometimes? Obviously, yes. But it’s too important for me these days to speak up about things that I feel are wrong than to worry about making a mistake now and then. Hopefully people will forgive me when I do.

So as far as being divisive - yes, I guess I’m divisive. People are divided on issues, and we all have big feelings about what’s going on around us these days. So anytime you take a side about something, it will be divisive.

I love this quote:

“We must take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.”

―Elie Wiesel,The Night Trilogy: Night, Dawn, The Accident

What about you guys? Do you think it’s possible to speak out and not hurt feelings, make people mad, or lose relationships in the process? I’d love to know if you have some tips for me. If I can do better, I’d love to — but silence isn’t an option anymore.

With love… M