“‘Sabbath is an expression of faith. Faith that there is a Creator and he’s good…’ says John Mark Comer. ‘So on the Sabbath, we don’t just take a day off from work; we take a day off from toil. We give him all our fear and anxiety and stress and worry.’”*
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I thought about going to church this morning, but I didn’t.
Going to church used to be a non-negotiable in my younger days. Partly because I was raised to put going to church as a high priority in my life, and partly because I was afraid I might get out of God’s good graces if I didn’t show up. It was just part of being a “good Christian girl”. The shame I felt if I didn’t get up, get dressed and show up at my church on Sunday mornings was too much to deal with, so I just went. Even if I was exhausted. Even if I needed to be doing other things. Even if I knew I wouldn’t have a good experience or find God there… I still went.
“What?”, you say? “Not find God in church? How can that be??” — Trust me, there have been plenty of church services I have attended where I didn’t feel or connect with God. Churches are not one size fits all. And they are not all safe places. But that’s a topic for another day.
These days I let my soul tell me what it needs on Sunday mornings. Sometimes it’s a quiet morning at home. Sometimes it’s a walk in nature. Sometimes I’m exhausted and need to sleep later that usual. And sometimes, it’s church.
I have to fly to NYC this afternoon and I still have some packing to do, so instead of trying to cram in more today than I know my body will agree to, I didn’t go to church. Instead, I had some extra quiet time in my sunroom with prayer and meditation. It felt good. I had a soft, slow, beautiful morning instead of a hectic and frantic one. Oh, and most importantly, I experienced a genuine connection with God that I needed.
I posted something on twitter earlier this week that several people dm’d me about. The post said:
Several people thought that meant I didn’t go to church anymore, but that’s not the case. I left the church several years ago and didn’t attend anywhere for over 8 years. That is what I was referencing in the post. Luckily, I have found a church that I can call “home” again and I’m very grateful. There’s really nothing like walking into a beautiful sanctuary and seeing faces of people you love, welcoming you in with smiles and hugs and love. That’s a family, right there.
The church I attend is unique. There aren’t many churches where the leaders don’t expect you to believe exactly the same way that they do. They allow for each person to have their own spiritual journey. I mean, it only makes sense, right? How could everyone be at the exact same place in their spiritual lives, having exactly the same understandings of God and religion? All our experiences have been different - leading us to different stages in our faith walks. We all have different questions and some of us have found different answers — and that’s ok. I just love it. I’m so grateful to have found a place that welcomes my doubts and my questions and helps me process everything through the lens of Jesus and how he taught us to love and to be humans on this earth.
Being labeled a “Christian” these days is a complicated thing. I’ve heard many Christians defend their traditional beliefs and condemn what some call a “progressive” approach to Christianity by saying “God doesn’t change.” That may be true, but even if God hasn’t changed, Christianity, as a religion has definately changed and changed and CHANGED throughout history. All is takes is a shallow dive into Christian history to see that this is the truth. Just look around at all the different churches under the “Christian” umbrella. It’s actually crazy to see how varied the belief systems are - but it’s because over the thousands of years, different sects have formed and morphed and changed and broken off into differing beliefs. Who’s to say who is right?? There are certain sects of American Christian churches who claim that their version of Christianity is the “original” one. But when you look back at Christianity before America was even a country, their claims become… well, just silly. Americanized Christianity is just another relatively new version of this religion.
For the last few years, I have hesitated calling myself a Christian, because my beliefs didn’t align with many of the churches from my past. However, as I have broken out of the religious bubble I was in for so long, I’m finding many other Christian churches who view things quite differently. What a relief! I knew that my experiences with Jesus were real, and honestly the idea of walking away from my religion completely was grieving me deeply. It’s been great to find a community of Jesus-loving, truth seekers who honor my faith journey as I honor theirs.
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To wrap this up, I still don’t know exactly what to call myself these days, but the urgency of trying to figure it out has subsided a bit. Most days I’m content to just be ME without a religious label. Today, this is who I am: I’m a deeply spiritual woman who believes in a God that created all things (including humans, mother earth and beyond) - and follows the teachings of Jesus in the New Testament. Anything beyond that just gets a shrug from me right now.
Is the Bible the inerrant word of God? - shrug
Is Christianity the only way to heaven? - shrug
Is there really a hell? — shrug
I know some of my friends read that with deep concern.
But the good news about the “shrug” is that it is truly freeing. Giving up certainty for me has been awesome! Embracing the mystery of God has been one of the most wonderful revelations in my spiritual journey. It allows God to be God — and takes all the pressure off of me. I don’t have to know it all to love others, and that is what I feel I’m ultimately called to do.
So back to my tweet: As my faith journey has evolved, I’ve learned that not always going to church as led me to find some new spiritual practices that have really been wonderful new connections with God. He has shown up in so many unexpected ways. For instance, yesterday, I did my first Labrynth walk. It was amazing!!
This Labrynth is on the Scarritt-Bennett campus off 19th Ave in downtown Nashville. I have lived in Nashville for 38 years and I didn’t even know it was there! It was a beautiful morning. Is Sabbath supposed to be on Sunday or Saturday? So many differing opinions on that — but my Sabbath this week was definitely on Saturday.
I don’t feel guilty not attending church on Sabbath anymore - but even more importantly, I think Sabbath is about so much more than only attending church.
So…..
Whatever you need to do today to feel closer to our Creator, God - do that.
Whatever you need to do today to care for your soul - do that.
Whatever you need to do today to honor yourself and others - do that.
When I do those 3 things, I feel God smile at me — and it makes me smile too. And that is my expression of faith today.
Happy Sabbath, friends.
— M
*John Mark Comer, Garden City: Work, Rest and the Art of Being Human, 2015
A current term (popularized by Andy Stanley) for people that “ I have hesitated calling myself a Christian” - Jesus Follower. Maybe trendy, but it fits me.