The Cycle

How to be grateful when everything seems to be falling apart

NOV 23rd, 2024:

The leaves have mostly left their trees now. The trees where they grew and flourished for a while. But when the cool winds started blowing, they knew it was time to let go, so they did. Gracefully, they departed from their source of life and floated down to the ground where they become a part of the earth again. Stepped on by children playing in the autumn weather, or animals chasing each other in play, or lovers walking along hand-in-hand through the parks. They eventually become tiny particles of… what? Dust, maybe? Dirt? But whatever new form they take, they dissolve into the ground, showing up again in the spring as buds on the trees.

And the cycle continues. Over and over and over….

Don’t you wish we humans let go easier sometimes? Oh, if only we could learn to trust the cycle.

If only we could remember that it’s all about seasons. Seasons come and go. Nothing lasts forever.

But leaving behind a season where you felt alive and in your element, doing what you felt God created you to do, isn’t easy. I know because I’ve been there. Several times, actually. But I’m learning to trust the cycle. And I’m learning to be grateful for it.

Can you imagine if everything was perfect all the time? If we only lived in the “highs” of life? What would we compare that to? Would we even understand how good we had it? Would we truly be grateful for it? I’m not sure we would.

As we enter into Thanksgiving week, I’ve had to think hard about what I’m truly grateful for this year. And my list is pretty odd because there are some bad things on there. Some disappointments. Some losses. Some hurts. I’ve never included those in my gratitude list before, but I’m beginning to realize their value, and so I’m grateful.

Here’s the thing. Just because I’m grateful for those difficult situations, doesn’t mean that I’m happy they happened. Many of those rejections still sting. But I’ve learned that I can hold two different emotions about something at the same time, and that feels like emotional and spiritual growth to me. And that growth is something that has become very important to me. So that is something else I’m grateful for.

There is a spiritual practice that has helped me with this a lot. It’s called The Examen. I think there are different ways of implementing The Examen into your life, but I’ve been using one I learned from a book titled, The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything, by James Martin, SJ. For me, it helps to do it in the evening before I go to bed. It can be as complex or simple as you want to make it, but here is a short guide that I use:

THE EXAMEN:

1. Gratitude: What can I be thankful for that happened today? I thank God for those favors.

2. Review: What made me happy today? What made me sad? Stressed? Confused? And where did God show up? This is so helpful to notice. Write it down.

3. Clarity: Ask God to give me clarity about my actions today? Where did I possibly betray myself or God? Where did I turn away from any invitations to grow in love?

4. Forgiveness: I ask for God’s pardon for any of my offenses. I also ask God for help in pardoning others who injured me. And I ask to be led towards seeking a pardon from someone who I may have injured.

5. Grace/Resolve: I ask for God’s grace and guidance as I go forward.

The great thing about THE EXAMEN is it keeps me in the now. I’m not thinking of days past long ago, reviewing regrets to the nth degree, or spiraling into the future, trying to pre-plan the days that aren’t even here yet. If there is one thing I’ve worked on the most in 2024, it’s trying to live in the moment. Less distractions. More connections. It has helped me so much.

Many people are hurting right now. Worried about the future. Scared of a new season coming up and what it might hold, or grieving a season that has passed. I struggle with all of that myself. But allowing myself all those big feelings, while at the same time, choosing to find beauty in my present situation (whatever that looks like) is the only way I know to move forward with hope and love.

2024 was a rough year for our family. A lot of personal and professional disappointments and losses. My husband and I were both lamenting the other night together. It felt good to acknowledge our pain and how much of this current season of our lives has been difficult. I think it’s an important step towards healing. You have to call a spade a spade. If something sucks, it sucks. We don’t have to put a silver lining on it to make it ok. Some things are not ok. We don’t have to buy into the toxic positivity that has plagued many of us for years in order to make things better. No, I think speaking the truth (this hurts, this isn’t ok, this isn’t fair, i’m angry, etc..), is the only way to start real healing. And healing eventually leads to gratefulness.

There have been many seasons and cycles in my life that I have not enjoyed. But as I’ve weathered through each one, I’ve found new lessons I can take with me from each of those storms. I’m stronger. I’m more forgiving. I’m more connected with God and myself. I’m wiser. I’m less judgmental. And I think I’m slowly zeroing in on what really matters in life. These lessons could not have come in any other way. No amount of “light” days would have taught me what I have learned in the dark times. So, again, I find myself grateful.

If you’re walking through a dark season, just keeping walking. Get up each day and look for the cracks of light. They are there. The Examen helped me see those glimmers in my dark days. I hope it might help you too. And as we celebrate Thanksgiving this year, just remember that no matter how perfect someone’s life looks like on social media, we are all going through our own battles each day. No one - and I mean no one - has a life without struggles.

Be grateful for your blessings. And be grateful for your struggles too. Be grateful for the whole dang mess that life usually is. It’s one big cycle of joy and pain, loving and leaving, laughing and crying, hitting and missing, healing and hurting. Life gives us those things over and over and over again.

And I’m grateful for it all.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours…. M