Hi friends… sorry I’ve been quiet this month. I needed a little break from output and extra time for input. I’ve been doing a lot of reading (I’ll post soon about some great books I’ve been loving), and thinking and processing. My mental health is so much better these days, but I still have to make conscious efforts daily to avoid focusing on sad/bad things when triggers happen. Maybe it’s my new medication but it’s definitely much easier for me this year than years prior.
When you get to be my age, there really is no such thing as zero sadness around the holidays. Things change. People you love aren’t there anymore. Parents pass away, children move out, divorces happen, etc… It can get heavy. However, I’m learning to acknowledge the sadness, honor it by FEELING it for a bit, and then setting it aside so I can also enjoy the joys of that particular year. And there are many joys.
For instance, my sadness this year is I’m particularly missing my Mom. She passed away 10 years ago, but I still hear her voice every Thanksgiving as I’m reaching for the sage to put in the dressing:
“Be careful with the sage. Don’t put too much in. It’s a strong spice.”
I inherited her recipe box so I have it out on my counter as I’m cooking this week. Yes, I’m sad, but it gives me comfort to see her handwriting on the recipes and know that she lives on here in our hearts and on our table with her recipes.
But I’m also having the joy of most of my family, including my two grandbabies being with me this year on Thanksgiving Day! I’ve actually had them a couple of days already this week and it’s been so much fun! I won’t allow my sadness to interrupt my joy for too long this year. I’ve been consumed by sadness at other holidays and I’m just not going to let that happen this year.
You know, I’ve heard it said, “What you seek, you will find”, and I believe that’s true to a point. How we choose to look at life is also how we experience life. But after going through my own mental health crisis this year, I know there is a limit to all the common antidotes. You can’t “grateful” your way out of a real mental health crisis. Believe me, I tried. However, most people actually can change their mental attitude with a little gratitude adjustment. I’ve experienced that as well.
The “Holiday Blues” is a real thing. Extra stress, unrealistic expectations or even sentimental memories can be a catalyst for the holiday blues. So when feeling grateful isn’t enough, here are a few other tips to help.
Accept your feelings. Accept, acknowledge, and try not to linger in them too long.
Reframe expectations. You can make it what you want it to be, but don’t expect a perfect day like you see in all the holiday commercials.
Be aware of your triggers. This is something I’ve been working on personally. Preparing for them ahead of time helps offset them.
Don’t be shy about boundaries. Whether you choose to spend Thanksgiving with family or friends is up to you. And if you do, you can still choose what conversations you will be a part of, how long you will stay etc…
Acknowledge your needs and communicate those needs to others. Again, it’s ok to verbalize your needs during this time. Those that love you will understand.
I talked a little bit about this on a recent episode of The God and My Girlfriends podcast. We recently started Season Three and it’s been so much fun! Please find us and hit “subscribe” on your favorite podcast platform if you can. We have some awesome guests lined up and have already had some cool conversations. Join us! And if you’d like to be a guest on an upcoming episode, email us at gamgministries@gmail.com.
To wrap this up, I sure hope you find a way to give and receive love this Thanksgiving. Being on both sides of love is a beautiful thing, but it takes us being vulnerable and opening our hearts. I know that can be scary sometimes, but I really believe it’s worth the risk.
Personally, I’m feeling super grateful this Thanksgiving, and to those of you that have supported me on this blog and in real life this year… I say a huge THANK YOU! I’m so blessed to have a wonderful community around me.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all… Love, Marcia