Who am I?

Good morning. It’s Sunday, September 25th. We are driving down the 101 on the California coast on our way from Santa Ynez (where we did a show last night) to San Juan Capistrano for another show tonight. For those of you that don’t know, I’m currently in the middle of a fall tour with pop legend, Christopher Cross. I’ve toured with CC for several years now and I’m so grateful to be part of his touring band. Great people + great music = great fun!

I am the early riser of our bus crew so I’m up having coffee and enjoying a little worship time looking at God’s creation. Mountains on one side of me and the ocean on the other. Jireh, You Are Enough by Maverick City Music coming through my headphones, reminding me to stay grounded in the midst of constant movement in my life. It’s an absolutely gorgeous morning here:

As much as I love to travel, it can be easy to start feeling disconnected from my life, or even from myself when I am in constant motion. Each day is a new town with new experiences, which is exciting, but it can be disorienting. “Where are we?”, is usually the first question of the day, my brain begging for something to help me get centered as I take my first sips of coffee. You can’t feel centered if you aren’t sure what town or even what state you are in — or at least I can’t. So I have to make a concentrated effort to carve out time each day for “check-ins” with God, with my family and friends… and with myself. If I don’t, I can get confused about who I am and what really matters in my life…. and then everything goes topsy-turvy.

So, who am I? Well, that’s a complicated question. I have many titles… wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend etc… Many people think of me as a singer, which is more what I do than who I am. But if there is one thing I’ve learned over the last few years, it’s that we are definitely not just what we do. I’ve often heard the saying “God’s not so much concerned with what we do, as he is who we are becoming”, and I believe that to be true. I think life is all about growing and learning and hopefully becoming better human beings in the process. For those of us in the Christian faith, it should be about trying to let the teachings of Jesus mold us into more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, self-controlled humans. See what I did there? (Galatians 5:22-23). Those are the descriptions of who I hope to be.. or least on my way to becoming.

I also hope to be content. “Content” doesn’t sound all that exciting, but as I’ve grown older, contentment has taken on a much lovelier meaning to me. The apostle Paul talks of learning to *“be content in all circumstances”, and for me, that has definitely been something easier said than done. My last few weeks have shown I still struggle with that. I sometimes wish I could split myself in half so I could be in two places at once. I love my life traveling on the road, but I can sometimes get caught up in missing my home so much that it tampers my ability to be content out here. The same can happen when I’m at home… I start missing my “road family” and wish I was out making music with them, which can interfere with being content at home.

What I have found, is that it’s all about truly learning to live in the moment. Stop wishing life was any different than it is right now. Otherwise, I find myself missing the beauty of whatever circumstance I’m in at the time because I’m yearning for something else.

Now, don’t get me wrong - being content in my circumstances doesn’t mean that I don’t see things that need to be changed or improved upon. There is a LOT in the world that I wish were different and I hope to use my voice and whatever small influence I have to change those things. Things like: I wish women weren’t still having to fight for basic human rights. I wish my black friends didn’t have to be scared of the police. I wish my gay friends weren’t still being marginalized. I wish creatives weren’t getting their work used with no compensation. I wish countries weren’t at war. I wish “Christian Nationalism” wasn’t a thing. I wish churches were more inclusive. I wish we could all be more tolerant of others who are different than we are. Sigh… I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.

The truth is, when I’m more content and grounded in myself and God - then I’m much more effective in trying to make changes in the world that I’m passionate about. But when I’m all discontent and unbalanced in my own mind and soul - then I find I’m not that useful to anyone else.

Maybe on this Sunday morning, you are feeling a little discontented in your own circumstances. I think it’s good to check in with yourself and ask some basic questions, like: “What am I feeling right now?”, “What is my soul needing right now?”, “What is causing my feelings of discontent?” “Is there a small change I can make today to first honor my feelings, and then release them?”

I find that usually my discontentment is grounded in doubt. Mainly doubt in myself. Doubt that I’m enough. Doubt that I can be all that life needs me to be that day. Doubt that I can do anything to actually change life for me or anyone else for the better. But then I remember that it’s not all on my shoulders to do that. There is a power much greater than I who I can release all of that to. I don’t have to be superwoman. I just have to be. To abide. Sometimes being still is the best thing I can do. (Psalm 46:10)

Listening to this song helped me get grounded a bit today, so I hope maybe it might do the same for you.

So who am I? Well, like the lyrics of this song say:

“I’m already loved - I’m already chosen - I know who I am -- I know what you’ve spoken - I’m already loved - More than I could imagine - and that is enough.”

So who am I? I AM ENOUGH. — and so are you. So rest in that today, my friends.

Life is short. I’m learning that truth more and more - so each day matters. Don’t spend today wishing your circumstances were different - or that you were different. Live in the moment. Look around at what life offers you today and find the beauty in it, while helping those in your path do the same. And if you don’t see any beauty right now, then create some. That will be a blessing to you and to those around you.

Make it a good day.

Love God, love others, love yourself.

Amen, amen and amen.

Much love, M

*Philippians 4:11-13